Monday, May 24, 2010

I'm a killer.

I hit a possum coming home from watching the "Lost" finale.

I've never hit anything in my life. Except a curb.

My eyes were on the road. I was annoyed by the radio but not focused on it. And then this little whiteish rodent-looking thing was RIGHT in front of my car. And then it wasn't.

The feeling was worse than the sound. I could feel something--it--bounce along under the carriage of my car.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Oh my God," I said.

On the radio, Katy Perry continued to sing about Daisy Dukes.

I only made one left turn the whole drive home, and when I did, I heard it again, ca-chunk, under the car.

The rest of the drive home was unnecessary turns, made sharply but not recklessly, trying to make sure that whatever was under my car was gone.

Heartless. I know.

When I got home, I hesitated opening the door. I kept picturing a tiny pink hand reaching up from under the car, slashing at my ankles. Even in tall leather boots, it's a terrifying thought.

But I had milk in the trunk! Milk goes bad! It must be saved!

Gingerly, I popped the trunk open and set one foot outside. I listened for harried breathing. And, as I always do, I sent a text message--I just hit a possum. :(-- to my mom and two friends I knew would be awake. Mom, I think, is asleep.

Friend one was sympathetic. Oh, no!
Friend two, less so. Oh? Ow. 

Friend two knew about the milk. You should have seen me reach for the milk, I texted. I stood away from the car & leaned in. in case the dying animal reached for me with his tiny mangled paws. :(

Friend one got, I've never hit anything in my life. 
He replied, I'm so sorry. That's awful.

Friend two, whose particular brand of snark you may have seen on this blog previously, said, You were so angry about the Lost finale you went on a possum-killing rampage! which was swiftly followed by You know, sometimes they do take down your license plate and plot their revenge. I heard that I Know What You Did Last Summer was actually based on a true story involving a raccoon. 

i hate you, I texted.

Both friends, in an effort to lighten the mood/offset my guilt onto someone else, received, I'm certain it was a possum. At first my brain said, could that have been a cat? Or a human baby? Because I am nothing if not rational. 

So, possum, I am sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I hope you had a lovely possum life, and that you are not so angry with me that you haunt my dreams or retreat into darkness, working overtime to become SuperPossum and exact sweet revenge on me with a tractor.

I love animals (really!), and I love you.


  1. Adrenaline can make you tell the whole story, and all the crazy thoughts that go with it, can't it? This was so very real. I'm sorry you hit the possum, but I'm glad you cared that you did. And thanks for following my blog.

    P.S. I would have had the same crazy feeling about the possum reaching out when getting out of the car. Our minds are far more imaginative then we need them to be.

  2. I hit a squirrel in broad daylight in an office complex on my way to a job interview last decade. And I didn't kill it. So it's in pain, the mate is running back and forth, frantic and screaming. I knew what I should have done, but I couldn't bring myself to feel that car hit something again. Luckily, a guy in a pick-up truck came along, saw my dilemma and put the squirrel out of its misery.

    Five minutes later, I was in a lobby asking for the interviewer. I didn't get that job.

  3. I hit a porcupine late one night. It was a big sucker. Just like you said, it suddenly appeared and there was absolutely nothing I could do. Luckily for me, no porcupine cutlet was found underneath the vehicle, but I did have to tweezer-pull some quills from my grill. Ugh!

  4. Frankly, this is one of my favorite posts of yours... ever. Good writing!

  5. I ran over a pigeon once. It seen me coming head on and didn't even try to move. I think it committed suicide. It was horrible that I ran over a living thing and I felt terrible... at the same time... I couldn't help but utter... "DAMN RATS WITH WINGS!!" I am sure there are just some damn pigeons out there planning some kind of attack against me like Alfred Hitcocks "The Birds".

  6. I ran over something within weeks of getting my license... after my freshmen year... at Linfield! I was in NY and forget what kind of critter... something big and brown and not what we have on the west coast. felt horrible but at least didn't freak and swerve. I suppose I was in some kind of small SUV or something, not a sedan? or was I...