Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Is this the worst band ever?

I heard this song on the radio today, and the lyrics are so dumb, I had to share them. I bolded the ones I found particularly baffling.

"Hey Soul Sister"

Heeey heeeey heeeeey

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains (what?)
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
You sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Heeey heeeey heeeey

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you,
like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Well you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I cant be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)

Just to give you some context, you know how does those deals? They're offering the new Train album, the new Five For Fighting album, and the new Creed album at $29.97. It can be 2000 all over again!

According to Wikipedia, the song was written by Armund Bjorklund, Espen Lind and Pat Monahan. Monahan is the only one who's in the band, and the other names, if you'll allow me to be presumptuous, sound vaguely Scandinavian, no? Pop acts, probably forever, but I know for at least the last 20 years, have been surviving off the efforts of foreign songwriters like these, presumably because they are Hit Machines. But seriously? All they did was string some pop culture references into a song. I bet I could write one. In fact, maybe that'll be my next blog.

I do have an embarrassing admission to make: I used to be a Train fan. In fact, I owned their first two albums. Paid full price for one of them, even. Anyway, as I heard this song today on the radio (105.1 The Buzz, if you're wondering), I thought, "Didn't they used to be better than this?" and I realized quickly that no, they weren't better.

Their first album had the single "Meet Virginia" about a woman who "...never compromises/loves babies and surprises/wears high heels when she exercises" and who refuses to confess when she is caught stealing. Line up, gentlemen, she's available.

The second album gave us "Drops of Jupiter", which I LOVED, but even then, I loved in spite of the fact that it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. The lovely girl in this song apparently sailed around in space trying to find herself, "listens like spring and talks like June", and misses fried chicken, soy lattes and her boyfriend.

So, yeah. The lyrics always lacked a certain something. But I guess I'm just appalled at how many flat-out lame or just totally wrong songs are circulating (and making money) right now. And they stay popular for so long! We've got the Black Eyed Peas reminding us of the days of the week on "I've Got a Feeling", and the lovely, insane Lady Gaga's ode to blackouts in clubs with "Just Dance", Finger Eleven's "Paralyzed", which always makes me feel like everyone involved with the production of that track is just way scuzzed out, and there's way more. I'm sure you all could think of at least one song out now that's nothing short of asinine.

I do have my pop song weaknesses though, and so in an effort to make amends, here's my current loves:

Jordin Sparks, "Battlefield". First of all, it's Jordin Sparks, for crying out loud, from American Idol. Second, it's a shameless and painfully obvious ripoff of "Love is a Battlefield". I know this. But dang it, it sticks in my head and makes me sing in the car at the top of my lungs. Win.

Kelly Clarkson, "Already Gone". I have always loved Kelly Clarkson. Always. I have completed long car trips with nothing but "Breakaway" in the cd player and loved every minute of it. And I just think she's great, even if she's also from "American Idol", and EVEN after "From Justin to Kelly" (Side note 1: I voted for Justin Guarini all the way through Season one of AI. Side note 2: I was housesitting for my parents a while back and tried to watch some of "From Justin to Kelly" on the FUSE channel. It's really bad.) Also, turns out the first two tracks on her latest album are "My Life Would Suck Without You" (which is essentially an ode to codependency), followed by "I Do Not Hook Up". I think that's hilarious.

Royksopp feat. Robyn, "The Girl and the Robot". There are so many awesome things about this song I hardly know where to start. I think it sounds fantastic, and I typically hate these dancy, Scandinavian-esque (sorry, but they're from Norway) tracks. Also, it has Robyn, who was popular when I was in junior high and is apparently still going. But really, you have to see the video. I can't embed it, but click here. It makes the song. Like, someone could hear the song and think, "I know what you mean, I'm dating a robot, too..." and the video would be like, "No, seriously. my boyfriend is red and boxy and made of metal and he waters plants."

How can you not love that? And I'm curious, what song or band is driving you up the wall right now? Also, feel free to share any pop culture-laden hit songs of your own. What rhymes with Fergie?


  1. You have heard that stupid Katy Perry song that just lists opposites, right? "You're hot then you're cold; you're yes then no; you're in then you're out; you're up then you're down." SHEESH!!! REALLY?!?!

  2. written songs which are so bad, apparrently:
    [and i have been told so by proffessionals:]
    they could probably : arrange peace agreements into major parts of the world: if these songs were actually produced and played over and over and over and over again: etc. and so forth.]

    and there.s nothing wrong with that train song about the calling angels? one? i really had no problem wit that. however: i did not and do not have a radio and only heard it traveling so: everything's in contect: the way a song hits you.
    like my fav song sometimes is:"rubberband man" by the spinners.
    you can watch it here:
    you can read the lyrics here:
    but here's just a taste:
    "When I saw this short fat guy
    Stretch a band between his toes
    Hey, I laughed so hard
    ‘Cause the man got down
    When he finally reached his goal"
    but yes: there are so many songs i want to become very unconcientious with my objektivikating: and have my wrath: but then i realize:
    "oh yah, i suck".

    so: it.s all relative: relative!"
    aha!ha haha. i like yer writes.

    [please don.t judge my spelling. i know. i know.]

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